As an idealistic punk kid who grew up idolizing bands like Fugazi, I never imagined that I would someday find myself face-to-face with the next generation’s version of my heroes. While it would be impossible for Fugazi to maintain their “$5 show” policy today, Costco’s rotisserie chicken will forever cost just five bucks.
Whoever the Costco CEO is, they must have pledged to uphold the inclusive and ascetic values instilled in the 1980s hardcore scene. Costco warehouses are open to all ages, their self-checkout aisles are 100% DIY, and they will never charge more than five bucks for our signature whole rotisserie chicken. Plus, the way they infuse the Dischord-era ethos into their Kirkland Signature roster of products is the most punk thing since dumpster diving for sliced bread. Which is something I’ve also done at Costco.
They must be sensitive to the irony in that Fugazi was notorious for refusing to sell branded merch, which is precisely why all of their logo apparel is made to look like crappy bootlegs.
While the major food labels waste billions on packaging and advertising, Costco keeps prices low through old-fashioned word-of-mouth and watching every dollar. If the health department would let them ditch the plastic containers and serve you the whole chicken on a stick, believe me, they would. Plus, their policy of confronting unruly customers to prevent senseless acts of violence is just one more way Costco has carried on the legacy of ethical innovators like Ian MacKaye.
Now help keep a lookout while I steal this chicken.