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What Should I Spend the Money From My Dog’s Surgery GoFundMe on Now That He Is Dead?

OK, so this is probably the saddest that a human being can feel.

Just last night, Rubin, my dog of 14 years, passed away. Very few people know what this level of pain feels like. This is an extremely emotional time for me. That dog started off as just a pet, but grew to be my very best friend. My life companion.

I did everything I could: I saw every veterinarian in town, prayed profusely, and even started a GoFundMe page which raised over $30,000. But Rubin ended up dying before they could perform the heart surgery. It was heartbreaking, and I am also left asking myself:

What the hell am I supposed to do with all this money now that he’s dead?

GoFundMe has already marked my project “reached” and taken it off of their website, and I can’t get in contact with any of the donors. So, I guess the $31,287 is mine? Jesus, that’s a lot of money.

Honestly, the first thing that comes to mind is buying a new television. I’m hosting my annual Wrestlemania party soon, and my current TV is losing its color. God, Rubin used to love those parties, and getting a new TV would be a big help in making sure the party goes …  Ah, dude. I just realized that I could even get one of those dope 4K HD projectors, pay for installation, and have my speakers upgraded. Fuck, that shit’ll be sick.

And even if I do get like the dopest TV, that would still leave me with around $20,000. That’s enough for a new ride. I’ve always wanted a sport bike. Those things are so fucking cool and fuel efficient. If I got a motorcycle, then I know the money got put to good use. Plus, Imagine the look on my coworkers’ faces when they see me pull up on one of those bad boys. And it would basically be for free.

Related: We Gave Die Antwoord Haircuts to Several Animals at This Local Shelter and Not a Single One Was Adopted

Look, obviously I miss Rubin, but having all this money can feel pretty empowering. Can you believe that you can just post a cause onto GoFundMe and people will donate to it? Donate, with like ACTUAL money? People just ate it up.  Honestly, that dog helped me out in ways I could never have imagined.

Thanks, buddy, for always being there for me. Both during, and after your lifetime. My boat’s definitely going to be named after you. Oh, shit. A BOAT.

Fuck yes. Now we’re talking. A sailboat with a full cabin and kitchen would be the perfect compliment to the lifestyle I want to live. These donations will be put to good use, people. Rubin was all about living life to the fullest and I can promise you he’d want this for me, too. R.I.P., pal.

Have any more suggestions for what I should spend this money on? Post it in the comments below!