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So You Drank Two Nights in a Row in Your 30s: Here’s How to Draft a Will

For most people in their twenties, drinking two nights in a row is hardly notable. It’s basically an every-other-day occurrence. While you may get hungover, you’re young so you’ll recover. Well, now you’re in your thirties so the fact that you had two glasses of merlot at dinner one night followed by a few beers at the bar the next, means you’re feeling like death this morning. And since this hangover might actually kill you, here’s how to draft a will.

Feeling too nauseous to figure out how to do that? Fear not! We consulted with a friend who knows a lawyer. We’ll teach you how to write your will step by step! It’s so simple even a pickled thirty-something can follow along.

First things first, you’ll want to make a comprehensive list of your assets. Given your current age, it’s likely you started your drinking tenure around the time of the 2008 recession. As such, you don’t own many nice things. Still, note anything you think has value, or in your case, sentimental value. And don’t puke on your list! Vomit voids legal documents.

Once you have your list ready, you’ll want to decide who gets to inherit the assets you own. Since you’re still drinking on consecutive nights we’re guessing you either don’t have children or don’t care much about the ones you have. Perhaps leave your tattered couch to the pandemic cat you adopted in 2020.

Don’t forget that when it comes to certain assets within your will, you do have the ability to make specifications. For example, instead of simply leaving your dusty art history degree to your parents, you can specify that they hang it up above the mantle in their living room. This way they won’t remember you for your dumb drinking decisions and instead remember you for your dumb educational decisions.

Finally, you’ll need to find an attorney to have this will officialized. Once the room stops spinning, search google for law firms that specialize in end-of-life planning. Give them a call and explain the gravity of your situation. They’ll understand.