As tensions across the globe rise into unprecedented levels of intense technological advancement mixed with the takedown of free will of any kind, we might find ourselves in a constant waking state of terror, basically all of the time. Everyone copes with this stress differently and I don’t know about you but being forced to sit idle while our entire country willingly elects a dictator with unruly prison camp plans, several ongoing global conflicts, and North Korea constantly coming in at the perfect time to really push our fear to the absolute edge, makes me want to edge a different way.
During these times of existential fear, one might concern themselves with their pornography consumption, but fear not, this quiz will let you know for sure, whether you’re just horny for pornography or just really scared about North Korea and would like to distract yourself for a few minutes so you can briefly just forget about the whole thing.
Question 1: When was the first time you watched cartoon pornography? If it so happens to be when we first learned that Kim and Putin had signed a treaty stating that in the event of an invasion of Russia or North Korea, the “other party shall provide military and other assistance without delay by all means at its disposal in accordance with Article 51 of the U.N. Charter”.
Yes: you are totally spooked, just like me, it’s okay!
No: Please read the news once in a while, pervert.
Question 2: Did you just so happen to start watching a “film” about a naughty boy getting spanked and wanked by his big breasted step mother after you got a news alert to your phone that North Korea plans to deploy troops to aid Russia with Ukraine’s takedown? Did you finish anyway and cry later without any discernible reason?
Yes: You’re concerned. This is the only coping mechanism you have without a serious drug relapse.
No: This is the first you’re hearing about this whole North Korea thing, and now you’re watching the one where the stepmom is stuck in the dryer.
Question 3: Do you find yourself alternating between live news updates and Pornhub faster than North Korea switches between threats and demands for sanctions relief?
Yes: Yep, your thumb has developed carpal tunnel from the constant app-switching, I recommend getting yourself a dual-monitor system set up for maximum efficiency.
No: Again, I simply plead with you to read the news once in a while. If you have been, you’d be seeking distractions like this as well!
Remember, whether you’re stockpiling canned goods or downloading terabytes of content for your spank bunker, we’re all just trying to survive the potential apocalypse. Maybe invest in a better VPN before the next international crisis hits. After all, America’s next supreme leader might be taking the freedom to “distract ourselves” away nationwide pretty soon.