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Please Quit Staring at Me While I’m Trying to Bartend

OK look, I know you’re all here because there’s a show tonight, and you’re so excited about whatever lame band you’ve overpaid to see, but some of us have jobs to do. So could you please stop staring at me while I’m trying to bartend?

Seriously, dude. All night you’ve been down at that end of the bar mean-mugging me. I mean, what the fuck? I’ve got a lot going on tonight. What gives you the right to stare at me like I’m some piece of meat? Didn’t your parents ever teach you that it’s rude to stare? You’re acting like a goddamn creep.

There are a lot of ladies at the bar, a lot of friends to hook up with shots, and I just don’t have the patience to deal with a bunch of you snotty kids that wanna leer at me all night just because I don’t like whatever stupid popcore band is playing. You think it’s easy being the only bartender working tonight? No, it’s extremely stressful actually, and you’re only adding to it with your shit.

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Maybe you have a problem with me? Is that it? If you have a problem, you should’ve said something to me when I was outside smoking a cigarette a few minutes ago. Or right before that when I was sitting over there eating chicken fingers. Or before that when I flat out disappeared for a while.

Do you realize that in the time I’ve been over here talking to you about a dozen other people came to the bar looking for a drink? No, I bet you’re so oblivious you didn’t even notice. So I’m really sorry, but I don’t have the time to horse around and figure out what kind of game you’re playing. Some of us have work to do.  

Article by Mark Roebuck @mark_roebuck