It’s the weekend! Time to unwind from work and have the time of your life.
Tell me, what is your idea of a relaxed fun night? Is it going to see your favorite band play live? A situation that requires securing the sixty-dollar tickets weeks in advance only to spend those in-between weeks figuring out how to get to the venue, stressing about the parking situation, waiting in long lines for disgusting bathrooms, and standing shoulder to shoulder with sweaty strangers for hours just to see a glimpse of the people who write songs you enjoy at a deafening volume?
Personally, I find this to be the choice of chumps and rubes. For a $10 edible, anyone can just as easily walk into a pet store and have the time of their life. You can experience the wonderful moment of feeling a gummy kick in just as you’re sticking your hand in the guinea pig petting area. If you catch just the right hour, you can watch an overworked employee wash a dog. If you play your cards right you might even get to pet that dog after they have been blow dryed. It is magical. I’d love to see Radiohead come even close to recreating that feeling.
Besides the experience being amazing, let’s look at the price differences. A concert costs the original ticket prices plus fees, transportation, a watered-down drink, and possibly some merch. In the end that’s at least a hundred bucks for like four hours. You will have to spend the whole night measuring just how much fun you have to make sure it’s worth it. Meanwhile, over at the pet store, you only have to pay for your drugs and possibly a squeaky toy if the staff accuses you of not buying anything. In the end that’s about $20. That’s a steal!
If you still want music, the average pet store has Adult Contemporary on the speakers, not to mention the beautiful singing of the caged birds. If not your cup of tea, I recommend going to the wall of lizard cages and finding the crickets that are used for food. The crickets make nature’s music. Think you’re too good for cricket music? Well, then you still get to watch them get fed to lizards. How many lizards have you seen get fed at a Radiohead concert? I’m assuming the number is zero despite the high volume of reptile owners in the crowd.
I guess my point is overall, I’m not interested in seeing Radiohead tonight and could really use a friend to stare at hamsters with.