Since the dawn of the Industrial Revolution, the ruling class has done their best to extract as much capital from their workers while subjecting them to low pay, dangerous working conditions, and soul-crushing hours. It was only through ironclad solidarity (and a whole lot of violence) that any workers’ rights were established, and data clearly shows those very rights have been eroding for the past 40 years.
So when you tell me you’re going to come down to the dick sucking factory to slap the dicks out of my mouth and see how I like it, I can tell you I’m not going to like that very fucking much. And that’s exactly why I’m voting to unionize this workplace.
These privileged, silver spoon-licking troglodytes in their ivory towers could never fathom putting in 10 hours of neck-breaking, throat-ravaging, head a day to keep their kids in daycare. For every dick we suck, they make the same amount giving ten-second handjobs. How is that even remotely fair?
We all saw what happened at the shit eating factory last month when those jobs were outsourced to Mexico, and now there’s talk of ass licking going completely automated in Nashville. It’s only a matter of time before we’re next just to appease the investors. They can tell me what to do the day I see them work ten graveyard shifts in a row gargling shaft.
All we want is fair compensation, along with chiropractic and arthritis care added to the health insurance package. You can’t even imagine how many of us have the necks of a 70-year-old. Oh, and we want the company to provide protective goggles! Ridiculous, I know. We had six guys lose an eye last year alone.
If this vote passes and the head honchos won’t meet our demands, I am absolutely ready to walk away and go on strike. When the carpet munchers in Lansing joined the plumbers union, they had to strike for six months but they won. Now they can actually feel their jaws when they go home at night.
They may threaten to replace us with those scabs from the truck stop glory holes off of I-90, but we’ll seize the means of production one way or another, even by the balls if we have to. My father was a dick sucker and so was his father. This is my bloodline I’m protecting.
Power to the people!