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Opinion: Do You All Hate Me?

Like, seriously. I’m asking honestly, do you all hate me?

I don’t know, maybe I’m just being paranoid but I sometimes feel like you’re all talking behind my back or something. I’m not sure what about, maybe that I always yawn after burping or my blinks seem abrupt and forceful. I don’t think you know about the weird talking to myself while pooping thing that I do so it can’t be that.

Except I just told you. Fuck.

Listen, if you all hate me I get it. I haven’t always been a super cool friend to you guys. I try to be kind and supportive but sometimes I do selfish things like sleeping or eating.

Oh c’mon, don’t do that! Don’t just shrug and shake it off like that. You all act so weird around me sometimes. Even when you’re acting nice to me I know that the moment I leave the room you start talking about how you hope I get fired or dumped or die.

I just need you all to know that I’m not stupid, okay? Like, I do dumb shit sometimes. I don’t always think things the whole way through. But I’m not an idiot. I feel like you feel like I’m an idiot.

I’m not being weird, YOU’RE being weird for being so dishonest with me. I KNOW you all get together and you all talk and scheme about how to bring me down or expose me for the fraud that I am. I know you’re all just looking forward to the day I fuck everything up and hit rock bottom.

Don’t blame the edible, dude. Alright, yes I took more than I should have but all it’s done is open my eyes more to what’s REALLY going on here.

Wait a minute, YOU all took the edibles. I didn’t cuz you all said I get weird sometimes when I do. See?! That’s what I’m, talking about! You all think I’m a little baby who needs to be taken care of- that I go peepee and poopoo in my dipe-dipe. You all think I’m SO helpless. You know what, fuck you guys, I’m outta here.

Hey, I’m sorry about all that. Are we still cool? Either way I don’t believe you.

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