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Okay I’ll Admit It I Only Got Tattoos So People Would Ask Me How Many I Have, How Much They Cost, and What They Mean

Okay, I’ll only admit it, I only got this tattoo because I want people to ask me about it. Just thinking about the flood of questions, has me itching with excitement. I don’t want people to see me, I want them to see this badass fucking tattoo. This bad boy is going to make me more approachable while solidifying the fact that I’m only interested in talking about one thing, my new tattoo.

These things hurt like hell and frankly, I hate the way they look on me, but it’s all worth it for that sweet sweet human connection. I can hear the questions now.

“What does it mean?”
I’ll get to give some cool, aloof response like, “It’s personal and I don’t want to get into it right now,” or if I’m feeling chatty I’ll get to share a deeply personal story. Hopefully, this will happen in a public setting, like a bar. That way all the people around me will get to hear me drunkenly explain some traumatic event from my life.

“How much did it cost?”
I can’t wait to tell people this fucker cost me one month’s rent. If they tell me that it’s too expensive I’ll explain, “You get what you pay for.” If I’m lucky someone could chime in about how their homie cuts them a great deal. I love hearing how much less someone else paid for their “ink”. I take solace in the fact that said homie would be more than willing to sit me down in their living room and give me shaky-lined hazy blobs at half the price.

Somehow that is still not as satisfying as when people explain why they prefer different styles. I love traditional tattoos, but it is essential that I understand how much greater the depth of photo-realistic or watercolor tattoos are. Fuck I might already have full sleeves, but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy someone trying to convince me to switch up my style next time.

“How many tattoos do you have?”
After a point, I lost count, but that’s fine because I enjoy counting all my tattoos one by one. I want to debate whether my sleeve counts as 1 or 6 tattoos. I’ll get to show off most of my tattoos, then teasing that I have a couple more in some “personal areas.” If I’m really lucky, a random stranger will grab my tattoo or try and touch it sensually. I find nothing more appealing than when a stranger nonconsensually touches me, especially if my tattoo is still healing.

I don’t want to think, I want every conversation for the rest of my life to be focused on this tattoo. Fuck I cannot wait to show this off and turn my entire persona into a 5-hour session of redrawn Spaulding flash.