Hey, man, I overheard you say you like “The” Counting Crows—not their name, but whatever. I happen to be a fan of that band myself. I see we’re even wearing the same “This Desert Life” beanie. Are you wearing it ironically, too? No, you’re probably dead-ass in love with that album. Go ahead, sing the second verse of “Mrs. Potter’s.” I don’t care if there are nine people at this party. And hey, just curious, when was the last time you danced the silence down through the morning?
“Nineteen ninety-FOUR”?! Are you serious? For me, it was yesterday, when I celebrated the 32½ birthday of “August and Everything After.” Yeah, I got up, threw on my baja, and ran through a field of grain and heather. Then, on my way back, between the rain, I sort of danced the silence down through the—well, I say “morning,” but really it was three o’clock.
I spent the rest of the day slugging from a bottle named “Maria” and staying at home with my disease. At some point I grabbed a gray guitar, stared into the future, and wished I was beautiful. But that’s just me—a real fan.
What do you say we turn our ticket in and slouch at a bar to stare at the beautiful women? “No”? You wouldn’t. Oh, you have “kids”? Man, that is so un-Duritz. They’re called “children,” by the way. Why would you have children? Duritz doesn’t have children.
Are you even white? Do you even have dreads? What’s the best music video featuring Courtney Cox? You better not say “Dancing in the Dark.”
I don’t mean to come on strong, man, I guess I’m just in one of my moods. It’s the pain, yeah? I stepped out the bathroom like a ghost and looked across a crowded room and saw you and thought maybe I was close to understanding Jesus. Well, I guess I’M the one who’s misunderstood. You’re just another poser-ass “fan” who doesn’t even wanna help me believe in anything. Sha-la-la-la-la, I guess. Uh-huh. Yeah.
But hey man, while we’re here, you know, let’s see you do it. Go on. “Dance the silence down through the morning.” I’ll count you in.
Shit, that’s actually not bad.