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Oh You Like Charli XCX? Name Three Brands of Poppers

So you think you’re a stan of Charli XCX, huh. One of Charli’s Angels? Cute. You’re gonna have to prove it. But don’t go flaunting any ticket stubs or merch, mama. That proves nothing these days. Real fans of Charli XCX can name at least 3 brands of poppers.

You heard me, twink. Start naming brands of “nail polish remover” or “VHS cleaner” if you want me to believe you actually bump Charli. Or do you not even know what poppers are? Mother signs bottles of them at like, every concert, so if you don’t, that’s honestly a full stop already.

Oh you do know what they are? Well then, let’s hear it—start dishing out names of your favorite brands of orifice-opening inhalants to prove you’re actually a Brat.

LOL, did you just say Rush? RUSH!? Oh sweetie, you know the most mainstream brand of poppers there is. How blasé. How embarrassing. How…expected. Every straight girl who’s ever seen a Troye Sivan TikTok knows this one. It’s a classic, sure, but like, in a basic way, not a camp way. I’m guessing you only discovered Charli XCX from the Barbie movie soundtrack, didn’t you?

You’re not done yet? Okay miss thing, preach then. Name another, I’ll wait.

…Did I just hear you say Jungle Juice Platinum? I have to admit, that’s actually so Julia. I’m starting to think you might be that girl after all. Have you ever listened to Unlock It after taking a double nostril nose dive into a vial of J.J.P.? You have? You’re honestly making me do a complete 180–no, a full 360–on what I think about you.

Oh, you have another brand of poppers to namedrop? Well, dish!

Um, wow. You did NOT just say Double Scorpio. Damn girl, so confusing! Here I was thinking you were some poser, but you’re like, actually a fiend? That’s serious stuff, even for me, a Charli Connoisseur. I took a tiny huff of that once during her Crash tour and literally Vroom Vroom’ed straight into the floor.

I’m impressed. Gagged, even. Sorry I ever tried to gatekeep you, queen. You clearly know your poppers, and by extension, Charli XCX. Here, have a Parliament to celebrate. Keep being toxic and iconic!