This guy asked me what I do in my free time and I fucked up and told him I really enjoy scenic hikes. I don’t even know why that came out of my mouth. Now he actually wants to take me hiking! What the hell does scenic mean anyway? Aren’t all hikes technically scenic?
Goddamit, I just wanted to sound interesting and down to earth. I didn’t think he’d actually believe me. No one says that and means it. Why can’t he be normal and just ask me out for a drink?
I’m so screwed. I don’t even own a pair of hiking shoes! Will my torn-up vans be good enough? I only own a shit-ton of leggings because they’re comfortable, not because I enjoy physical activity. I just like looking like I do.
Maybe I’ll just start training for it now. I’ll do a few pushups, I’ll practice my poker face and some breathing techniques. How long did David Blaine hold his breath? 17 minutes. Okay, and how long is this hike? AN HOUR! Oh yep, I’m definitely screwed.
Maybe he’s just being nice. I’m sure he’d rather us do something else. Something people with sound of mind do, like eat or go to the movies.
Oh god, I just checked his Instagram. He goes hiking every weekend! Does this mean he actually enjoys doing that? Wait―and he goes with his friends? No way. That’s a big red flag. I should just end it now. We are not a good match. We obviously have different values. Anyone who willingly walks uphill and invites others with them is clearly sick and sadistic. There’s no way I could be with someone like that.
He is really thoughtful though… and attractive. You know what? I’ll just tell him I already went hiking today and I’m super sore. That’ll buy me some time, and we could just get a beer instead.