This is bullshit. I do nothing but tweet gold and yet here I am, looking at big fat zeros. Just last night, I was dropping comedy gems on the world and I couldn’t get a single like! You heard me. I’m talking about me, a comedy mastermind at work, and I’m not even sniffing at going viral. There’s only one possible explanation. The recent mismanagement of Twitter is clearly to blame.
“Do cashews and peanuts ever look at walnuts and ask, ‘OMG, what happened?!'” See??? That tweet is a national treasure! Who doesn’t love that? Ever seen a walnut? They are totally fucked up looking! This tweet should have wound up in the Library of Congress. Instead, it laid a big ol’ goose egg all over my page.
Wait a minute. I just had a horrible thought. Do you think I’ve been shadow-banned? Is that what this looks like? I’m trying to engage with my audience of mostly bots but lately it feels like I’m just tweeting into the void.
This is probably just because I won’t pay $8 for that stupid checkmark. That’s what it is! Now that’s some horseshit. They don’t even mean anything anymore! Seriously, if anyone can just pay to get one, why would I even want one? You can always trace it back to the money.
Maybe I’ll give it one last go. I just need to spin one more gold yarn. Think. Think. Maybe like, “Ever see your wet dog after a bath and think: who are you?”
Now we wait…
What the hell?! I’m definitely being blackballed for not going blue. Is this what QAnon is?