Life is full of little surprises, like finding a crumpled $20 in the wash, or a pregnancy scare. But this past weekend I got the surprise of my life: after wearing Doc Martens to the beach I discovered I am bisexual.
I’ve always had nothing but love for the LGBTQIA+ community. If you ask me to have a Kiki, I will Kiki it up with you all goddamn night. But like every other heterosexual woman who only makes out with beautiful women after one drink at the bar, I assumed I was an ally.
My heart was still shattered after being dumped by yet another gamer who wore his Supreme fanny pack like a cross-body purse. I needed some time to myself. So I packed up my Subaru, threw on my trusty Docs, and headed down to Pensacola for a weekend of relaxation fish tacos and, unbeknownst to me, self-discovery.
When I arrived at the beach I went to throw on my flip-flops but for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to take my Docs off. It was like they were wearing me. These old black boots that I once peed on in the pit of a Suicidal Tendencies show were suddenly too hard to remove, and for the first time, not just because of crippling blisters. So I clipped my keys to the carabiner attached to my board shorts headed out to rock my Docs in the sand and felt like myself for the first time.
In retrospect, the signs were always there. I always thought “I Kissed a Girl” was a fucking banger, and I was never threatened when my boyfriends would put on lesbian porn. Who wants to see dick anyway?. But it wasn’t until boot touched sand that the truth about myself hit me over the head like a… well like a Doc Martin.
At first, I felt a little awkward. I was getting so much attention from other women. Were they concerned about how awful my tan lines would be? Had they all had 1 drink and were looking for a quick makeout sesh? That’s when I realized: I hadn’t had any drinks and wanted to kiss them all.
Were the rumors about me at softball sleep-away camp true? Could I be, bi? And at that moment, I didn’t care. My Docs, the beach, and the bevy of beauties enjoying their Bud Light Platinums had conspired for a weekend of bisexual enchantment I’ll never forget. I was even gifted a pair of Melissa Etheridge tickets by a girl I met — can’t wait to see what I learn about myself that weekend!