The cheesy yet undeniably catchy Baker Street is best known for an anthemic saxophone solo that is universally beloved by dads around the world. Whether you’re in a neighborhood bar, a mall, or the communal mess hall of the New Light Order — the secret religious institution I was born into, dad’s can’t help but bop their heads and tap their toes to this classic tune.
So what is it about Baker Street that speaks to middle-aged, New Balance sneaker-wearing fathers? For that answer, I spoke to my dads — all six of them — and asked them to rate Baker Street. And their answers may surprise you!
Rating: “That’s what I’m talking about!”
I played the song on YouTube using the community computer and to my amazement, the usually reserved Father Samuel immediately started pumping his fist! He was so excited he nearly dropped the handful of pamphlets he had just printed out.
“Papa Bear” explained how Baker Street was playing on the radio when he met his second youngest wife, Tamitha. She was 14 at the time and had never even heard of Gerry Rafferty. No wonder he insists women should be subservient to men!
Rating: “Now This Floats my Boat.”
Admittedly, Father Gregory had trouble remembering my name (in his defense, I am one of 64 children he’s sired!). But after explaining to him who I was and asking what he thought of Baker Street, Father Gregory exclaimed that a tasty woodwind solo really, “gets his motor humming.”
Rating: “Pretty Bitchin’”
Father Beth is such a goof! As soon as I mentioned the song, she started miming playing the saxophone! She did, however, insist I self-flagellate with a switch because I had interrupted her chanting.
Related: I Find it Statistically Unlikely that Both of my Dads are Gay
Rating: “We Haven’t Got Much Time.”
I had a five minute break during a 12-hour grain harvesting shift in the wheat field and thought it the best time to ask Father Yod his opinion on Baker Street. He ignored my question and explained that he had been communicating with the outside and arranged for us to leave “the family.” He had seemingly forgotten our ultimate celestial purpose, so I shared his escape plan with my other dads. I haven’t seen Father Yod since. That was two months ago.
Rating: “Post-Illusionment is Upon Us”
Father of Fathers, OMEGAPATER communicated to me telepathically during the enlightenment hour. He speaks of great fire at world’s end and said it was time to prepare our earthly vessels. He also said Baker Street was a “really boss tune.”