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Managing This Guitar Center Is Not the Rock Star Life I Thought It’d Be

On the outside it seems like I have it all: Unlimited access to input chords, wah-wah pedals, and the Guitar Center corporate Slack channel. It sounds like any rocker’s dream, but for this Manager, it is a complete and utter nightmare.

Let’s start with the clientele. When I took this job as manager at the San Bernardino Valley Guitar Center I thought I would finally be in the inner circle of rock. Steaks at Flemings With Nikki Sixx, weekend vacations with Lars Ulrich, doing yoga with the guys from Dispatch. The possibilities were endless. I would provide strings, pedals, and amps to every guitar player in LA.

But I was sorely and embarrassingly mistaken. My life is one unimaginable horror after another. Every day is either a bunch of 12-year-olds pissing in the sound holes of the Taylor 214ces, or another middle aged man having a heart attack while strumming an Ibanez Hollow Body. I am up to my neck in shit and I believe my dreams of being a rock insider are quickly fleeting. No rock stars ever come in here. Although one time Liam Gallagher did get alcohol poisoning near our store.

I’m now realizing that I was fed lie after lie by Guitar Center corporate when I interviewed for the job. They told me this would advance my career in music. One guy even told me that Bono and The Edge (from U2) both co-managed this exact Guitar Center together. Little did I know they were just fattening my ego up like a pig for the slaughter.

But this is my cross to bear. I’m too far gone now. Where do you go after managing a Guitar center for 15 years? The fucking White House?