I don’t know all of my legal rights as a patient, but what I do know is that for a guy with one star on Yelp, Dr. Jeremy Hanson sure is tight-ass when it comes to prescriptions. Look I’ve seen that John Mulaney special, so I know how this is supposed to go. I found the worst-reviewed doctor on Yelp and asked him point blank for highly addictive and dangerous drugs I don’t need. Dude has one star for a reason.
But this guy just looked at me and said “Opioid addiction is a serious problem in this country.” Thanks for the PSA, dork. If I wanted an analysis of the socio-economic issues plaguing the US, I would’ve asked Jake Tapper to be my plug.
He clearly doesn’t know who I am. Nobody doesn’t sell me illegal drugs. I’m not totally sure what “malpractice” means, but my dad’s lawyer friends do, and that’s what counts. Dr. Hanson will definitely be hearing from one of those guys as soon as I can figure out a way to make it seem like he’s the bad guy. I’m self aware enough to realize that on the surface I just seem like a self-entitled jerk with pretty serious addiction issues that I don’t want to address.
What’s even more ridiculous, is this quack tried to act like this was a really medical appointment. Saying things like, I have “high blood pressure” and “probably should eat less red meat” and “show signs of anxiety and depression”. Is this dork serious? If I wanted medical advice, I’d watch a video on YouTube that just confirms the viewpoint I already have. Nobody goes to a doctor for medical advice unless they have at least a million subscribers or have done a collab with Rogan.
Thankfully he did have the hookup on some nose candy, so at least I got to do a rail. It was some new stuff from the streets, that you apply topically. I mean he called it “hydrocortisone cream” and said it was for my “rash. But c’mon, with one star and reviews THAT low, we all know this ain’t rash cream. On an entirely unrelated note, my dermatitis has gone away, and my arthritis flare-ups have calmed down. Cocaine fucking rules.