Calling it her most confusing bedroom request to date, the boyfriend of a local woman reported that he was asked to keep talking about the growing male loneliness epidemic until she climaxed. The couple’s bedroom routine reached a new level of high-maintenance when she urged her partner to hopelessly bemoan his lot as a man in America, citing it now as “the only thing that can get her over the edge.”
Astrid Acosta shared that for her to finish, her partner needs the skillset of a classically-trained pipe organist. We’re talking technical mastery: the hand dexterity and motor control of someone commanding multiple keyboards and pedalboards at one time. Not to mention, she needs 2200K bulbs on a dimmer, a percale cotton duvet cover, and a sandalwood candle burning at a distance. But lately, even that is not enough… She needs her boyfriend’s fragile masculinity to crumble before her — “needing, whining, pathetic… broken.” She shuddered with pleasure at the thought.
Her boyfriend, Drew, has always stepped up to the plate when it comes to her intimacy needs. “Listen, brother, whatever gets the job done, I’ll do it. One day, I was just talking to her about the guys I eat lunch with and how I don’t know anything about their lives. They’re just “Ravens fan Dan” and “Knee surgery Mike” and I looked up and she was touching herself. I was like, whoa, let’s go! She told me to ‘keep going’ and talk about how I wanted to connect deeper with them but didn’t know how,” he recalled. “Since then, I’ve learned how to make her go wild. If I bring up declining civic engagement and estranged fathers, she can’t contain herself. It’s awesome, man.”
Ryan, a college friend of Drew’s, shared that he, too, satisfied his wife nightly with such talking points. “If I really want to get her going, I have to whisper statistics in her ear. Like, ‘Did you know 43% of men under 35 haven’t hugged another man in the last six months?’ or ‘62% of men send fewer than two texts a week to people they actually like… and often they forget to hit send.’ I just make them up, especially as she gets close and moans, ‘More.’ That’s when you really gotta crank it into high gear.”
Ryan and Drew, old pals and dutiful partners to their significant others, when asked if they would ever discuss this phenomenon with each other, both vehemently shook their heads in refusal, saying it is much too intimate a discussion for their friendship.
