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Just Because I’m Dumb as Shit, Doesn’t Mean I Can’t Be Sapiosexual

It’s 2018, and society as a whole claims to be more progressive than ever, especially when it comes to sexual identity. But while we’ve made great strides in tolerance, there’s still so much judgement and hatred in this world, especially directed at me when I tell people I’m sapiosexual, despite the fact that I’m absolutely dumb as shit.

Look, I know what you’re thinking, a guy who repeated the eighth grade until he was a legal adult couldn’t possibly be an accurate judge of intelligence. But that narrow minded view is so damaging to people like me, who just want to find love with someone who correctly uses the term ‘Kafkaesque’, and who can also explain to me what a Kafka is and why I can’t eat it.

I didn’t choose to be this way, it’s just built into who I am. I’ve tried to date “normal” girls before, but the chemistry just dies the second I ask them to help me tie my shoes. I’d much rather date a girl who prefers a night at the library over a night at the club, and if she could pick me up from the children’s section when I’m done, that’s just an added bonus.

You Need to Stop Using the Word ‘Dumb,’ It’s Offensive to Absolute Fucking Morons


There’s still such a stigma around people like me, but I can’t help but be attracted to intelligent women who, coincidentally, are also incredibly gorgeous. I’m a man with very high standards and a dangerously low I.Q., so maybe the world isn’t ready for people like me to fully reveal themselves.

I face the same backlash every time I drop my pants down to the floor while using a urinal, and honestly it needs to stop.

I still hold out hope that someday I’ll find true love with a girl who can truly challenge me. Someone who knows big numbers, and who can tell me which surfaces I shouldn’t lick. But until that day comes, I must keep my mind sharp and prepared for my fairest maiden.

So if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a shitload of Joe Rogan podcasts to catch up on.