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I’m Sorry, You’re Charging How Much for Dirty Deeds Now?!

What in the actual dad-rock fuck is this shit?! I make my way all the way downtown (on a Thursday!) just to order a few dirty deeds for nostalgia purposes and you’re charging how the fuck much?! This is outrageous!

Back in my day, we could get a dozen dirty deeds done and still have money left for the malt shop for what you’re charging now. This is highway robbery, which ironically is one of the deeds I was planning to procure today.

Who do you even think is going to pay that much just for a couple of hit jobs? I deserve to have my capable violence offered at a price that not just the Richie Richs of the world can afford. I’m on a fixed income for Christ’s sake, but that don’t mean I don’t got no dirty deeds don’t need doing.

I bet you won’t even get those deeds done dirty enough. Just one look at your whole slapdash operation and your vacant, glazed-over millennial face and I can tell you’re gonna phone in the whole dirt part, and probably a fair amount of the deed as well. No one wants to work anymore!

People used to take pride in the work they did, whether you were a plumber, a shoe shiner or a criminal impresario. But now it seems everyone is just looking for a hand out as opposed to a boot to the face – I really did kick that shoe kid pretty hard, but hey them’s the breaks.

You know what, I actually don’t think I do need any dirty deeds after all. Your prices, as well as your general attitude and the fact that my blood pressure is spiking has turned me off of the whole thing. But of course I still expect you to validate my parking. Good day, fuckface.