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I Liked Your Post so Why Didn’t You Like All My Passive Aggressive Comments on It

What the hell?! I took the time to like your post and then carefully picked it apart in the comments in a way that allowed me to criticize your thoughts and imply negative traits about you as a person, while simultaneously keeping my comments vague enough so that you look defensive no matter how you respond. And you had the NERVE not to like those comments. The fuck, man?

I thought we were cool.

When I commented on your post and questioned what you meant by the definition of 90 percent of the words you used, I was clearly luring you into a trap where I could use any one of your responses to put a problematic spin on the meaning of your innocuous post. But the tone in which I did it was so inquisitive that if you accused me of doing that, YOU’D look crazy. That took so much time and effort! And how was that time and effort rewarded? By not a single ‘like.’ I gave your post a like? What gives?

I Don’t Usually Make Political Posts but I Will Not Sit Back and Watch While Everybody Else Gets Likes

Did you even care to notice how playful I was with cute acronyms and shrugging emoji’s throughout my comments? Especially the ones in which I associated you very casually with fascism and the alt-right. Do you have any idea how hard it is to imply that someone is a neo-nazi while still sounding like a friend trying to have a civil conversation?! Well I pulled it off and received not a single like from you! I did, however, get lots of likes from all my friends I tagged in that one comment that just said, “…” followed by a dozen eye roll emojis.

So where’s my like, asshole? I guess you just don’t value discourse. Maybe you don’t value me as a friend. Come to think of it, we’re not even friends on this site. That makes me glad we had this interaction as you will grow from it in the future, assuming you aren’t a nazi or anything.

Anyway, I hope you remember this the next time you wish your grandmother a happy birthday.