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How to Use Pro Tools to Touch Up All of Your Imperfections as a Human Being Too

Everyone who has ever entered the studio in the past 15 years or so, knows that Pro Tools is the standard program engineers use to make fuck ups on tracks disappear. With one click, drag, or touch of a key, any semblance of humanity in a record production can be wiped away replacing it with a smooth, clean, flawless robotic sound the masses demand.

You might wonder, “Wow, if only a program like Pro Tools could fix all the flaws and fuck ups I tend to display in my everyday life, then I would appeal to the masses!” Well you’re in luck because here you will find some little-known facts about the recording software that can make you as a person seem as though you have zero flaws, much like that metal drummer you love (that sounds like every other metal drummer.)

Say you are a drummer in a metal band. When you’ve been laying down your tracks, you know there are many spots that you’ve fucked up on. Low snare hit here, stick hitting a shell during a fill there. You get done recording, and you feel like a real piece of shit. You know you’re an inferior drummer. This is when your engineer and Pro Tools come in to eradicate that sense of inadequacy! 3 hours later, all those pesky self-doubts are smashed and you walk away thinking you’re a regular Mikkey Dee.

Sure, you have love and passion for your music. But how much do you really contribute to society? Sometimes your inferiority complex turns to anger, then tends to alienate you from your friends and loved ones. But once you finally release that polished, clicky-sounding punk EP using the ‘Tools, you’ll have no reason to think you’re a worthless sack of crap any longer!

Years of abandonment issues lead you down the path to alcoholism. You can’t hold a steady job, maintain loving relationships, or participate in modern-day society. With Pro Tools, however, all of that stuff and more can be replaced! All that needs to be done is, get a basic understanding of the program, then go on forums about it, and insult everyone on there for being idiots and not knowing what they’re talking about!

The best part about Pro Tools, however, is the deep menus users have found throughout the years. There, they have ways of polishing up annoying traits such as always talking with your mouth full, refusing to make any eye contact when someone is talking to you, having horrible dogshit breath, and can even touch up the way you’re always stealing stuff from restaurants and hotel rooms! Pro Tools can help shape the way you’re perceived as a musician, but also as a human being!