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How I Overcame My Fear of Rejection by Having More Penis Than I Know What To Do With

It can be really scary to put yourself out there. With this gamified dating culture we have to exist in, rejection is more immediate and brutal than ever. Personally, I find it all quite a turn-off. But thankfully, with the help of therapy and a cartoonishly large penis, I have finally gotten over my fear of rejection.

It feels so silly now how self-conscious I used to get about people rejecting me for my stubby legs or the fact that I’d maybe gained a little extra weight. Hell, even the extra head growing out of my side doesn’t give me worry thanks to this massive, throbbing hog.

Seriously, you gotta see this thing! Would you like to see it? No? Well, that’s okay. Because I don’t others to validate me anymore.

This isn’t to say that I’m not still sensitive to those who still feel the pang of minor-league-penis rejection. I remember those days well. I’d walk up to someone at the bar and introduce myself without pointing to the visible bulge in my cutoff skinny jeans and immediately hear the familiar shriek of, “Oh my fuck! Why do you have two heads?!”

Just the memory of all those rejections still quakes me a bit. But the thought of not having a dong that qualifies as “medically hazardous” is terrifying. Thank God I have it to comfort myself in those moments of humiliation and insecurity. Let’s just say I don’t envy those of you who have the cocks of mere mortal men.