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Help! ICE Just Took Baby Jesus From Our Nativity Scene

This has to be some type of miscommunication. ICE just showed up at our front door. We allowed them in, of course, as we assumed they were here for the maid. We’ve been meaning to let her go anyway because of the financial strains on our bank account from foolishly betting against Jake Paul. We figured this whole ICE thing would be more dignified for all of us. But nope. They took freaking baby Jesus from our nativity scene! Help!

They do know baby Jesus is white, right? Is that not easily accessible information? It’s so obvious: fair skin, abs from just being skinny… Hell, he was born in Nazareth for Christ’s sake. Never been? It’s the Tulsa of Israel.

I don’t understand how ICE could rip baby Jesus away from his family like this. It’s really out of character for them.

There must have been some confusion on behalf of the U.S Immigration and Customs Enforcement, that’s all. That said, out of everyone they could have taken in our nativity scene, why go for my main man in the middle? There were angels, which are technically immigrants, and I’m pretty sure none of the three Wisemen would make it through a TSA checkpoint without some questions. Hell, there was even a camel. When’s the last time you saw a camel in America? We don’t make those here. Those are the Toyotas of the middle east.

I knew a lot of changes were going to happen with a new president and all. I just thought they would begin after January 20th. The real dilemma here is that it’s mere weeks before Christmas and now we have no baby in our nativity scene. I’ve searched everywhere for a stand-in baby. The black market is too expensive and renting a child is just bad financial sense in today’s market. Won’t someone help? Where is everyone’s Christmas spirit?