Imagine my surprise when what started off as a run-of-the-mill midnight ride to my local Food 4 Less became a demonstration in shredding following a chance encounter with freestyle skateboarding legend Rodney Mullen!
I’ve been a disciple of this man and the embarrassment of riches that is his catalog ever since I was old enough to yoink my brother’s copy of his magnum opus: Rodney Mullen vs. Daewon Song: Round 1 (sorry Round 2 fans). So when he spotted me with my board and my old World Industries hoodie in the ice cream aisle and unpromptedly began showing off every trick he’s ever invented, I thought this was the best day of my life! But is there something up with this guy? Because it’s been like three hours and he’s still going.
I mean, I don’t want to sound like I’m ungrateful or anything. Following him out to the parking lot so he could perform a dozen kickflip underflips to some has-been with almost seven uncracked teeth has been a dream come true. And man can he explain things in a way that even this loser that used to collect concussions can understand, even if it does make me feel all inadequate both physically and uh…with the word stuff… Talkily? But I’ve got things to do, and I can’t for the life of me figure out a graceful way to tell Rodney I’ve seen enough.
And don’t get me wrong—I realize how lucky I am to witness this. Rodney’s impact on the sport of street skating will forever be felt in the hearts of pros worldwide, and in the brittle, pathetic ankles of amateurs like me that just couldn’t seem to land a 50-50 sidewinder back in 2003. But come on Rod, you’ve got, what, thirty tricks to your name? Not saying those are amateur numbers by any means, but it’s 5:28 in the morning and there’s no way it should be taking this long.
Is this the same kind of OCD I had playing Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2 where every trick I attempted needed to be perfect otherwise it didn’t count and no one would love me anymore? Because I promise the stunts you’re pulling are top-of-the-line, and you can stop at literally any point and we can both go home.
I think it’s around 2:00 in the afternoon now, and this man is in his own little world with his own little tech deck toys that he pulled out a few hours ago. I have never once seen anybody make them look cool, but Rodney’s spent the last 45 minutes performing handstands on them somehow and maybe they kick a little more ass than I thought they did. Or maybe I’m just delirious at this point. Doesn’t he have a wife that’s worried about where he is? I’d ask him myself but I don’t think he’s heard my voice since the sun came up.
I bet this wouldn’t have happened if I was smart and wore my Thrasher shirt like every other poser I know.