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Help! I Let My Freak Flag Fly and Now I’m in Trouble With the Homeowners Association

One of the main reasons I chose to live here is because the website said this was an inclusive community where folks could truly be themselves and be comfortable enough to let their “freak flags” fly. But if that’s the case, why the heck did the HOA president Todd Zubiak just rip down my Adult Baby Diaper Lover’s flag, call me disgusting, and threaten to evict me?

It appears this place is no safe haven for anybody, let alone us freaks. If the other residents have such a problem with my giant homemade flag depicting a hi-res photo of me in diapers while breastfeeding from a woman who was nice enough to answer my Craigslist ad, they can say it to my face. But not between 8-9 am, 12-1 pm, and 4-5 pm because those are my feeding times. I’m just a hungwy widdle 200-pound baby after all.

It’s this kind of discrimination towards people like myself in the ABDL community that makes us live in delicious shame. If my flag violated so many HOA rules they could have at least given me a few more dozen warnings instead of humiliating me the way they did. Or if I really was a bad little boy, Mr. Zubiak could have taken my suggestion and just spanked my 40-year-old bottom until it turned bright red or until I said the safe word. Coward.

Other than this one small misunderstanding I’ve been an exemplary resident. I’ve never received any noise complaints for the group suckling events I secretly throw and I get nothing but compliments for my immaculately manicured lawn and garden, which people may or may not realize is fertilized with only the freshest of my diaper doo. If caring about sustainability is a crime then arrest me!

I was just kidding about that last part. Please don’t arrest me. Last time I was locked up you wouldn’t believe how many cigarettes I had to trade just to get an inmate to rock me to sleep.