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Friendzoned? This Beta Cuck Has Platonic Relationships That Will Last a Lifetime

By its very definition, not everyone can be an alpha male. While I choose to surround myself exclusively with fellow alphas, I realize that there are billions of betas out there who need help. I may not be able to turn you all into real men like me, but I can definitely help get you out of the friendzone. Follow my method for a surefire way out of the friendzone. You may not end up getting laid, but you definitely won’t be friends anymore.

I’m gonna tell you a story. So me and my #AlphaGang were violating quarantine the other day, pumping iron at Muscle Beach, when I noticed a man and a woman walking together. The odd thing was he didn’t have his hand on her ass the whole time. So I finished my set (deadlift; 400 pounds; one half rep with no form before grunting and dropping it recklessly) and strutted over to assess the sitch and help out a beta in need.

So I ask him, “Bro! Sup?” “Umm, eating ice cream with my friend,” he said, cuckilly. “Cool. Cool. Where’s this dog-brain’s leash,” I wittily retorted. “What the fuck did you just say?” he said while getting in my face like the beta he clearly was. The girl he was with, clearly using him, touched his arm and said, “he’s not worth it,” and they walked away. Wow. Classic female breadcrumbing. This poor guy was so deep in the friendzone he actually stood up for a friend who doesn’t even eat his ass. So brainwashed.

Normally, I can give the Red Pill anyone, like Morphius. If they don’t want it, I also have another pill I give that makes people fall asleep and not remember. Also like Morphius.

Did I do something wrong? No, my approach was perfect. …oh my God! I’m so ignorant. He was probably gay. Which is totally cool. Do your thing, I’m just sayin’ keep it away from Muscle Beach.

Maybe he was married and just pretending he and that girl weren’t hooking up. That makes way more sense to me. Shit, maybe he’s a monk. I should have asked if he committed to a life of abstinence, like me.