Congratulations, you’ve managed to sneak into your nemesis’ inner sanctum (or home office). Now all that’s left to do is wait in their extra tall desk chair to spin around the moment they walk into the room. While this looks unbelievably cool on film, playing the waiting game can take hours if you got there early to beat traffic or sneak past the guards. Here are five ways to kill time before delivering retribution.
Think Up a Clever One Liner
It’s one thing to take them by surprise, but it’s even more satisfying to twist the knife and hit them with a witty remark before they get a word in edgewise. Hit ‘em with “Home so soon?” or an “I was worried you haven’t received my invitation!” and revel in their surprise. Hopefully, the time you spent calculating your plan included taking improv classes for this moment.
Pop Over to the Animal Shelter for a Lap Cat
If you have time to sneak away for a spell, why not do a good deed and adopt a serious-looking mackerel tabby? It might be a cliche, but it’s fun to have a little minion even if all they do is sit there and judge. It would put an exclamation point on your reveal, especially if your nemesis is deathly allergic.
Hone in on the Speech Where You Reveal Your True Intentions
You’re probably jacked up from the adrenaline, so don’t get ahead of yourself and spill the beans with some Metal Gear Solid length diatribe about your master plan. You want to really stick it to them, but if you broke into their study early enough there’ll be enough time to cut out extraneous phrases. Remember: harangue once, edit twice!
Eat a Snack
Face it, you’re gonna get hungry and spinning your chair too fast on an empty stomach can make you sick. Bring something from home like a buttered roll but avoid anything involving a wrapper. You can’t catch your nemesis off guard if they walk in the room to find you in the middle of throwing away a Funyuns bag.
Survey the Room for Anything You Can Use as a Makeshift Weapon
For all the romanticizing of getting the drop on your adversary, it’s easy to neglect the fact they’re probably going to be really fucking mad. If your nemesis is the “kill or be killed” type, why not mentally scan the room for something that’ll subdue them, or at the very least prevent them from stabbing you. Fancy candelabras and thick leather-bound books provide a good balance of offense and defense. If they’re the modern type, you can always strangle them with an ethernet cable.