You probably remember the laboratory from shock rocker turned diarrhea human Marilyn Manson’s 1998 “Dope Show” music video as the ethically dubious site wherein the androgynous singer was transformed into an odd, muzzled creature later courted by Billy Zane in the back of a limousine. While this undoubtedly left a sour taste in your mouth as to the scientific credentials of the anonymous research institution, did you know that it’s actually responsible for countless medical advancements that you yourself have likely benefited from? Here’s just a small smattering of its contributions.
- Bridge RNAs for Gene Editing
This breakthrough, which regulates the ability of DNA to move positions within an organism’s genome, has the potential to treat and even cure a large collection of diseases, both chronic and acute, and originated in the same building that once housed masked scientists carting a nude Manson between operating rooms for seemingly nefarious purposes. Perhaps we were too quick to judge!
- The Polio Vaccine
And here we thought this originated from Jonas Salk at the University of Pittsburgh! Nope, turns out he just stole the idea from the poor scientists at the “Dope Show” laboratory, and you can thank them for the fact that you still have all the muscles in your legs. Also, shame on Jonas Salk for taking all the credit for this. What a piece of shit.
- Chimeric Antigen Receptor (CAR) T-Cell Therapy
This breakthrough, while still new, shows unlimited potential in the treatment of numerous autoimmune diseases, and, you guessed it, came from the same researchers who once wrangled an apparently wayward Manson back into their lab with strange hoops around his neck. Who are we to question their methods, which, while appearing suspicious at best, have since yielded unparalleled results?
- 3D Bioprinting
That’s right, the technology to use patients’ cells to generate living tissues and organs also came from the “Dope Show” testing center. This enables, for example, skin grafts for burn victims that heal faster and scar less, so while whatever they were doing to their subject in the music video may have looked terrifying and unnecessary, it definitely seems like it was warranted in hindsight.
- Full-Frontal Lobotomies
Alright, this one definitely doesn’t seem as impressive as the others, and we probably shouldn’t have closed out the article with it. This now-discredited procedure left patients as drooling, unintelligible ghosts of their former selves, and actually seems fitting given the glimpse of the lab that we see in the music video. Maybe we should shut this place down after all.
