The Roux Kitchen is the latest endeavor by renowned French celebrity chef Claude Tremblay and is one of the hottest fusion restaurants in the city. Located in what was once a dilapidated rubber factory, Tremblay hopes to entice eager diners with a one-of-a-kind tasting experience.
And as one of the lucky few to experience the soft opening, I can safely say that I really wished I hadn’t filled up on all their free bread before this $500 meal.
Mind you, getting a reservation for this place was next to impossible. I had to pay a guy $70 on Craigslist to take his spot so I could review this place. I don’t think my editor is going to reimburse me for that.
I mean the bread was so damn good! It must have come out of the oven like five seconds before it hit the table. Before I knew it I’d been through three loaves, but the show must go on.
First I ordered ground pork jiaozi. Each dumpling felt like a soldier trying to flashbang their way into my carb fortified stomach. The perfectly complimenting soy and ginger dipping sauce is making them go down easier. Perhaps a second wind was in my future!
Next, I scoured the menu for anything that wouldn’t make me burst like a bloated dick. I settled on the duck cabbage salad, which was served to me in a bowl as big as my head. How did I forget this place serves everything family style? My taste buds were telling me “this is immaculate,” but my stomach was telling my brain “Danger: intestinal blockage immenant.”
I tried to throw up in the bathroom, twice, but the attendant seemed like the judgemental type and I chickened out. Besides, puking your guts out in a Michelin-star chef’s restaurant isn’t a good look. With every burp, all I taste is artisanal sourdough and I began to wonder if I could force my body to throw up in small portions under the table.
Finally, for dessert I chose the salted caramel pie because if I don’t finish this write up I’ll be sent back to reviewing mosh pits. I’m sure someone who didn’t ingest nine sandwiches worth of bread would find it a delectable palette cleanser. Every bite was agony.
In summation, I am three seconds away from blowing chunks all over the maître d’ and I want to die. Though the bread is free, it will cost your dignity and sanity. Still, it beats Olive Garden.
3 stars out of 5.