Marijuana use is on the rise, and while it’s completely harmless and fun for you to consume, to a child with a still developing mind, it can have devastating consequences. You know, like it did for you.
No parent wants to believe their child could get mixed up with drugs, and with proper guidance, they generally won’t. There is however one scenario in which no amount of intervention will prevent them from smoking weed — the unfortunate event that your child has reached the age of 15. Here are the warning signs to look out for:
Has your child been exhibiting behavior that feels fifteen-y?
Have they started high school? Are they on TikTok? Have they insisted that they’re “not a kid anymore” in like sort of a still kid voice? If you answered yes to any of these, check your stash. You might find a few grams missing.
Is your child sick of your bullshit?
A healthy child can be sick of their parent’s bullshit as early as nine years old, but it is physically impossible for them to vocalize these sentiments until the age of 15.
How horny is your child?
While a certain base-level horniness is common for children ages 12-14, if your child has become a pillow-humping, bathroom-hogging monster whose bedroom constantly reaks of sexual discharge, you’ve got a problem on your hands. That problem? Marijuana.
Facial hair? Facial beware.
Some children develop facial hair as early as 10 years old, but the chances of your kid being that cool are unlikely. More probably they have reached the age of 15, and are therefore chasing the green dragon every chance they get.
Do they keep talking about driving soon?
Excitement over the prospect of getting their license next year is a surefire indicator that your child either is 15 or at risk of becoming 15 soon. Remember this helpful mnemonic device: If they’re psyched to finally drive next year, of them getting high you must live in fear.
When was your child born?
By determining your child’s age, you can mathematically deduce whether or not they are 15 years old, and therefore in the throws of drug addiction. This information can be obtained from a number of legal documents, but that’s boring. If you’re too chilled out on kind-bud to look up your kid’s birthday, try counting the candles on their most recent birthday cake. Remember this mnemonic device: Count the candles on the cake, if theirs 15 the kid partakes.