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The Cocaine Industry Perpetuates Brutal Violence So I Refuse to Support It Unless You Know a Guy

Throughout Latin America thousands of murders each year are directly linked to the cocaine trade. Beyond the egregious toll on human life, the global cocaine industry contributes to the ongoing exploitation of impoverished people and deforestation in the Amazon. These staggering facts have informed my resolute decision to abstain from using this heinously produced drug unless, of course, you know a guy.

Some people are capable of ignoring the unthinkable violence and exploitation in the cocaine trade, but not me. That’s why I have vowed never to support such a toxic and inhumane industry, with one important exception: if anyone at this party has some of that sweet, sweet nose candy.

With every careless line you snort up your greedy, hypocritical nose, you’re colluding with narco-terrorism in Latin America and the irreversible annihilation of the Amazon. Jesus, thinking about all of this fucked up stuff makes me really want a bump. Thankfully, my moral compass and commitment to ethical consumerism would never let me succumb to those hedonistic cravings. Unless it’s the really good stuff.

So unless you know a guy, or are interested in spending the rest of the night helping me find a guy, I simply cannot engage in such a self-absorbed, noxious, and corrupt activity that enables so much suffering.

Fuck, this issue has me so agitated. Did Jeff move? He’s always got a line on some booger sugar.

Related: I’ve Been Experimenting With Drugs and It Turns out They Work


It’s awful how readily some people will turn a blind eye to the grisliness of the trade — the mass killings, vindictive kingpins, and beheadings — just for their precious party drug. I’m literally sweating and itching out of anger at their indifference.

I don’t get how those people can sleep at night. I sleep just fine, because I refuse to support industries that promote horrific violence like the cocaine trade, except on the very rare occasion when some is available, in which case, I never sleep because I’m too interesting.

Until a green, fair-trade cocaine industry exists, I refuse to participate in such a cruel and exploitative practice unless its free, or my birthday, or your birthday, or that guy’s birthday.

Oh shit, Jeff texted me back. Hold on, I gotta go to the bathroom for a minute. I’ll be right back.

You know, the more I think about it, it seems problematic that the onus of dismantling nefarious industries is placed on the consumer and if you look at the root of the problem, it’s criminalization, not consumption, that perpetuates the violence in the industry and if we weren’t using it here, the cartels would just find other markets and I’ve had a really stressful week and, oh my God don’t you just wanna dance right now?

Am I typing too fast? I feel like I’m typing really fast.

The powerless consumer shouldn’t feel the weight of an entire century of regressive drug policies on their shoulders. We shouldn’t vilify the innocent victims of the drug trade: the morally shamed, well-intentioned coke fiends who struggle to overcome the cognitive dissonance induced by the violence behind the product. It’s outrageous to think that white, mid-20s restaurant employees with liberal arts degrees should bear the brunt of the guilt in this vicious trade.

I’m going to have a lot more to say about this, just wait a sec while I go to the bathroom real quick.