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Call Me Old Fashioned but I Keep My Sex Robot in the Kitchen Where It Belongs

I am not against progress, but technology is advancing so rapidly, and I am just trying to keep up. You can call me old fashioned or stuck in the past, but I stand firm on certain beliefs. That is why I keep my sex robot in the kitchen… where it belongs.

I’m not a bad person, it’s just how I was raised. My father wouldn’t even let his sex robot sit with our family at the table. Compared to him, I’m basically the Abraham Lincoln of machines that fuck.

Yes, the kitchen is a sex robot’s place, but why? I obviously don’t expect my lovely automaton to cook and clean, I’m a modern, sensitive man. I leave it propped up against the fridge in a tasteful pose and I clean it almost once a week. But I’ll be goddamned if I’m gonna sit here and let it breach the living room. I am still a man, after all.

Staying in the kitchen keeps it away from the harsh world where it will be gawked at and objectified. I’m not afraid it will become self-aware, I am afraid it will become self-conscious. This is for its own good.

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Alright, I’ll be honest with you. I am afraid if my sex robot steps out, it will realize it doesn’t need me. Next thing you know, it’s going to want get a job, or worse, a career, and I cannot have that. What will the neighbors think? As a nation, we are losing our traditional values by the truckload. Preferably, a truck full of sex robots.

My sex robot will be out there in the world trying to be something it isn’t. That’s just not natural. A sex robot should be at home, in the kitchen, covered in synthetic flesh and making pre-recorded moaning sounds.

So go ahead, call me old fashioned and call this a major sanitary concern. You’re starting to sound like my roommates.