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Bummer: This Guy Was Born 4/20/69 but He’s Not Remotely Fun or Interesting

You don’t need to spend much time in the smoke shop or the sex shop to know about the numerical significance of both “420” and “69.” And anyone bestowed with the natal honor of being born on April 20, 1969, would ideally be a true ambassador for free-spiritedness and non-conformity. Sadly, we met someone born on that date, and in all honesty, he’s pretty boring. And that’s putting it nicely.

On the surface, Greg Paulson seems like a pretty run-of-the-mill guy, a 54-year-old systems analyst who lives in the suburbs and who “treats himself” to Buffalo Wild Wings every Friday. But underneath the surface, well, there’s not much there either.

To be honest, we’re not even sure if he’s aware of how significant his birthdate is. When giving his DOB, he didn’t smirk or show any sign of trying to contain himself. And when we said “nice” in response, he didn’t react at all! He seemed more confused if anything.

Now, he might not “partake” in the chronic. But you don’t need to know your sativa from your indica to know about 420. Honestly, we’d be surprised if he’s tried anything stronger than Metamucil.

That alone would be unfortunate. But his birth year really adds insult to injury. If there’s one thing you don’t think around Greg, it’s “this guy fucks.” Granted, we know he’s married and has kids. But “has had sex” is not the same thing as “fucks.” And he doesn’t seem like someone who gives oral in any position. He makes Hank Hill seem like a regular Casanova.

Maybe it’s a generational thing? Like, 420 and 69 have been known about for decades. But maybe it didn’t spread so fast in the pre-internet age, and he missed the boat? But that still doesn’t fully explain it. After all, should someone with that birthdate just be naturally charismatic, with a million stories to share about all the crazy shenanigans they’ve gotten into over the years?

Well, he might have a stable career, home ownership, and a loving family. But what’s that ultimately worth when it means wasting such a meme-worthy birthday?