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Bitch Alert! This Woman With No Kids Enjoys Her Life — Guest Post by That Creepy Guy Staring Across the Bar at You and Your Friends While You Bask in Your Beautiful Independent Life

What’s worse than a woman? A childless woman.

What’s worse than a childless woman? A childless woman enjoying her life.

If you want to press charges, the real crime is that one can only assume a childless woman has aborted at least 37 potential Kid Rocks. With that math, we could have more Kid Rocks. And what person is so bereft of culture to not desire such a thing?

Speaking of abortions, my wife says that until I find the clit I don’t get to decide if we keep it or not. Since I can’t procreate, it’s everyone else’s problem now. Including all the women I don’t know. I may not know the childless woman laughing at the bar with her friends that I’m staring down in a way that can only be described as “bone chilling,” but I know that a woman is one of three things: A girl, a mom, or a slut. So what the hell is this divergence? I just learned that word from a Marvel movie I watched another man watch on Twitch last night. It was fucking awesome.

Call me a breeding kink advocate, but I think it’s important to procreate if you can. It’s not a huge risk, either, considering the children we’re having now will probably be required to enlist in the U.S. Army by the time they’re ten years old. It’ll be just like the good old days! Procreation for the sake of the herd, and group trauma that bonds our nation under God. It’s making me hard just thinking about women being forced to not reach their full potential. The only things women do when they’re not having kids are get nose rings and do stand-up comedy. I think we can all agree that those are dangerous experiences a woman should not be participating in. 

Women should be made to rear the mirror image of their fathers, not “finding themselves.” That’s weird, and whenever they do, they’re really mean to me.

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