It looks like fans of brand synergy will have to wait quite a while for their dream film to see the light of day. An ex-girlfriend of comedian TJ Miller has recently stepped forward with accusations of abuse and assault, causing the cancellation of a number of projects involving Miller, including a terrible film adaptation of the Funko Pop dolls, probably.
Funko Pop, the doll company that reimagines fandom icons as pretty much the same infantilized person/thing every single time, was likely in the process of creating their own Lego/emoji style animated movie, we assume, and has halted production after allegations against their lead voice actor. Probably.
The film was set to be a “fish out of water” story about an Incredible Hulk Funko Pop doll that wants to be a chef, I bet. Further, the film was slated for its own cinematic universe, we assume, because of course it was.
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The story would have almost certainly had Miller exchanging quips with a cast of lesser Saturday Night Live alumnus, an attractive woman, and Patrick Stewart, all of whom have likely distanced themselves so far from the project you can’t find even find any trace of this information online.
Though a director had not yet been attached to the project, rumors probably had it that Rich Moore, of Wreck-it Ralph acclaim, would sign on only to quit halfway through the project when the vice-like grip of ruthless capitalism choked the life out of any artistic vision he brought to the table.
This hypothetical movie’s cancellation is a crushing blow to fans of a cash grab disguised as art. However, we’re almost positive Colombia Pictures is greenlighting an animated film about bitcoins as we speak starring Chris Brown, because if there are two constants in Hollywood it’s destroying art to make a dollar and a casual attitude toward abuse.