It’s common knowledge among members of the punk and hardcore scene that a house show can be a great way to see local bands and not have to deal with all the extra restrictions of shows at established, health and safety code compliant venues. But unlike shows at large venues, due to severe restrictions on space at house shows, blending into the crowd and becoming invisible can be difficult if not impossible. Fear not! We have compiled a list of five places to hide at your average house show so you can avoid meaningful human contact, but still listen to your favorite bands.
1. Behind a large potted plant
This first one might seem obvious, but even the most seasoned avoider can miss how easy it is to sneak behind a nice robust palm or fern. Plants with leaves you can peek through allow you to avoid having to speak with your fellow man, but also get a good view of your favorite bands.
2. Pretend to be a candelabra
This might not be available at every house show, but works especially well in more affluent homes. The key to this trick is utilizing the materials around you. If you see candles, grab between one and three of them in your hands. Now hold as still as possible as you hold the candles on your palm with your elbow upwards at a 90 degree angle. No one would even think about speaking with such an elegant candelabra.
3. In a Clothes Hamper
What’s something every person is bound to have in their home within earshot of the living room? Of course, a human sized clothes hamper. The trick is to get in the hamper hours before the show starts and wait. It’s a comfy alternative to keep people from engaging with you whatsoever.
4. Behind The Host’s Mom
This is the most risky maneuver on this list, but it is easily the most effective. If the host’s parents are home, there is no doubt they will be sneaking about, trying to make sure their mid-century modern doesn’t get thrashed. If you can pull it off, the host’s mom won’t even notice you ducking behind her while her attention is divided.
5. Inside the Kick Drum
Sometimes, hiding in plain sight can be the most effective way to hide. And this alternative gives you a front row seat to the bands you came to see. Of course, being able to contort yourself into a shape sufficient to fit in the drum is necessary. We consider this technique to be for advanced hiders only and would recommend cultivating this ability years in advance.
Do you have any other suggestions for good places to hide at house shows? Let us know in the comments below!