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5 Gender Reveal Party Ideas That’ll Make You Say “Shit! Someone Call 911!”

A gender reveal party is an excellent way to make it known that you are expecting newborn attention online. Look no further than the incredibly successful gender reveal wildfire that became the talk of the town for west coast 911 operators and subsequently the national media.

You might be thinking, “how do I get that sort of high-profile notoriety when it comes time to exploit my unborn baby for a bunch of Instagram likes?” We’ve got you covered. Here are five gender reveal party ideas that’ll make you so infamous your entire crew will be calling 911 faster than you can say, “gender is a social construct.”

Gender Reveal Stabbing
Find a vein that won’t gush so much blood that you’ll die. Just enough that you might briefly pass out. Maybe like a wrist. Get yourself a charming pink or blue knife from Etsy and when it’s time for the big reveal, start the ceremonial stabbing. Gently, obviously. After a short stint in the ER you’ll be well on your way to getting a prime slot on the local 6 o’clock news.

Gender Reveal Jaundis
A lot of people don’t know this but you can actually change the color of your skin just by severely damaging your liver! For a period of 8-11 weeks consume nothing but Gushers Mouth Mixers for a boy or Fireball Whiskey and Grenadine for a girl.

Gender Reveal Stomach Pump

Since your friends will be getting hammered to ease the pain of attending this charade, what better way to make the reveal than an alcohol-induced stomach pumping? Have everyone in your party unknowingly consume pink or blue food dye. Then flood their gullets with hard liquor. After getting your pumps on at the hospital, the doctors will gladly reveal the exact color that was extracted from your stomach. Is that breaking news or what?

Gender Reveal Wild Animal Mauling

Getting your hands on a dangerous animal is surprisingly easy. Just find the nearest Tiger King-esque creep in town and borrow their grizzly bear for the afternoon. Believe me, they’ll have one. Dress up your bear in an adorbs blue or pink garment and release it unexpectedly at your party. Keep in mind that only five people a year actually die from bear attacks in the US, so you should be A-OK. Sure, someone will get dinged up enough to call 911, but it’s a small price to pay for potentially landing the cover story on the New York Post.

Gender Reveal Arson
That wildfire gender reveal was such a game changer in the party planning industry. But why stop at colored smoke? By applying the right chemicals to all of the trees within a half mile radius you can actually change the color of the flames! That way even people who didn’t see the initial blast will know it’s a boy as they flee their home in terror.