It’s clear: You need to find a new therapist like your life depends on it. Possibly literally. Yet here you are, distracted once again by the whims of celebrity clickbait. Sure, it’s not super hard to find a therapist. One simple ZocDoc search and you’re basically done. But the dopamine hits from scrolling through endless photos of famous people and their pets is basically as good as therapy, plus you don’t have to process all that stuff in your past.
Thanks to the unquenchable thirst of celebrity narcissism, you’ll have so many pets to look at, you’ll never need to find a therapist!
Dan Levy and His Capybara – You were just about to start your online quest for a new therapist when suddenly you found yourself staring at this jaw-dropping photo of Dan Levy and his Capybara. Is it even legal to own one of those as a pet? Probably not, but you’re wasting a lot of time trying to find out. Time you could have wasted searching for a therapist
Reese Witherspoon and Her Donkey – Crippling social anxiety from months of quarantine? Self-diagnosing yourself as depressed? Suddenly realizing you might be a nihilist? These are all blatant signs that it’s time to look at this precious photo of Reese Witherspoon and her donkey. Surely you can suffer a little longer for the sake of this cuteness!
Michael B. Jordan and His Kitty Cat – By now you could have made a long list of therapists to call, but instead you’re drooling over this salacious photo of Michael B. Jordan and his pretty little kitty cat. Therapy costs money, but this adorable distraction is totally free, baby!
Dua Lipa and Her Bearded Dragon – You used to think reptiles were slimy and gross before you saw this charming picture of Dua Lipa giving her bearded dragon a kiss. About five minutes ago you were contemplating whether life is even worth living anymore, but now you’re blissfully distracted and forget why you even sat down at the computer in the first place.
Zendaya and Her Kangaroo – Alright, enough is enough. Look at you. You’re covered in candy wrappers and you’re no longer sure which of these half-drunk wine bottles is the “fresh” one. You should seriously schedule a therapy appointment ASAP. Your family and friends are worried about you. But, since you’re here, enjoy this final picture of Zendaya and her kangaroo. Now, get to work!