Ted Pillow, Author at HARDTIMES

June 23, 2020

Our deepest, most sincere apologies to the family and friends of 1918 flu survivor Mortimer Pyle. We recently sat down…

June 22, 2020

NEW YORK — Legendary television producer Lorne Michaels conceded last week that it was a mistake to have the highly…

May 31, 2020

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local conspiracy theorist Vinnie Logano discovered a secret plot yesterday to kick him out of the “BFF…

May 6, 2020

ATLANTA — Georgia Governor Brian Kemp announced that the state will close hospitals, re-open bars, and “just let God do…

April 18, 2020

ALLENTOWN, Pa. — Quarantined father Chris Denny is struggling with his son’s 33-piece jigsaw puzzle after drinking almost an entire…

April 17, 2020

NORTHPORT, N.Y. — 17-year-old Alex Powell’s LSD stash was flushed down the toilet moments ago and will be replaced with…

April 14, 2020

SEATTLE — Punk band Knuckle Fist is being forced to give 80% of their economic stimulus check to their record…

April 7, 2020

Coronavirus can’t melt steel beams, sheeple! Have you got that through your thick skulls yet? It must be hard when…

March 18, 2020

HUNTINGTON, N.Y. — A punk show scheduled to happen in local teen Mike Lennox’s basement was canceled yesterday afternoon after…

March 17, 2020

PHILADELPHIA — St. Patrick’s Day revelers at Rocco’s Lounge realized moments ago that the green beer they’re drinking is not…