Life is meaningless, our world is in flames, and all hope is futile. But just because I’m dead on the…
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MIAMI — Protestors gathered for yesterday’s “All Lives Matter” rally quickly realized that they all already knew each other thanks…
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Our deepest, most sincere apologies to the family and friends of 1918 flu survivor Mortimer Pyle. We recently sat down…
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NEW YORK — Legendary television producer Lorne Michaels conceded last week that it was a mistake to have the highly…
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ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local conspiracy theorist Vinnie Logano discovered a secret plot yesterday to kick him out of the “BFF…
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ATLANTA — Georgia Governor Brian Kemp announced that the state will close hospitals, re-open bars, and “just let God do…
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ALLENTOWN, Pa. — Quarantined father Chris Denny is struggling with his son’s 33-piece jigsaw puzzle after drinking almost an entire…
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NORTHPORT, N.Y. — 17-year-old Alex Powell’s LSD stash was flushed down the toilet moments ago and will be replaced with…
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SEATTLE — Punk band Knuckle Fist is being forced to give 80% of their economic stimulus check to their record…
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Coronavirus can’t melt steel beams, sheeple! Have you got that through your thick skulls yet? It must be hard when…
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