Five CAPTCHA Tests That I Fucking Crushed This Week
You know, I really don’t understand why everyone in my life is telling me that I haven’t amounted to anything.…
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Steve Packosky — Page 8
Oof, things REALLY aren’t going well right now, are they? It seems like every day our president does something that would be a career-ending exercise in executive overreach for any other politician, only to have it be completely lost in the endless flood of shit perpetually polluting our news cycle. At this rate of democratic backsliding, we’ll be Hungary 2.0 within the next few years. Bummer!
294 stories found
Diarrhea Planet Apologize for Making Good Music After Naming Their Band That
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Garage punk band Diarrhea Planet issued an apology for releasing good music after having chosen such an…
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Five Episodes of “Bill Nye the Science Guy” That Did Nothing To Prevent Me From Putting Dry Ice Directly on My Pubic Razor Burn
Ow! Fuckshitfuck, that burns. People put ice on razor burn all the time, so I just figured dry ice would…
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Billy Joel Reveals ‘Piano Man’ Is About a Revolting, Cronenberg-Esque Piano-Human Hybrid Driven by Primitive, Uncontrollable Impulses
CENTRE ISLAND, N.Y. — Popular singer/songwriter Billy Joel revealed that his 1973 hit “Piano Man” is actually about a nightmarish…
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Bored Conservative Figures He’ll Go Back To Being Angry About Critical Race Theory Just for the Hell of It
YOUNGSTOWN, Ohio — Local conservative Karl Stokes decided to go back to being angry about Critical Race Theory after realizing…
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Landlord Has Tip Jar
NEW YORK — Landlord Ronald Fastings had a tip jar on display in his office at Z&O Real Estate Holdings,…
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McDonald’s Introduces the Filet-O-Silverfish To Avoid Seafood Tariffs
CHICAGO — American multinational fast food chain McDonald’s revealed the new Filet-O-Silverfish, a sandwich developed in order to circumvent crippling…
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Trump Offers Ambassadorship Position to Security Guard Who Licks Sarah Connor’s Face in ‘Terminator 2: Judgment Day’
LOS ANGELES — President Donald Trump offered the position of Ambassador to Paraguay to Douglas Smith, the security guard seen…
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Five Finger Death Punch Slated To Play University of Phoenix Commencement Ceremony
PHOENIX — American metal band Five Finger Death Punch is tapped to perform at this year’s commencement ceremony at the…
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Donald Trump Posts Touching Tribute to Al Sharpton
WASHINGTON — U.S. President Donald Trump posted a touching tribute to the memory of American civil rights activist and Baptist…
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