Steve Packosky, Author at HARDTIMES

Five Episodes of “Bill Nye the Science Guy” That Did Nothing To Prevent Me From Putting Dry Ice Directly on My Pubic Razor Burn

February 28, 2026

Ow! Fuckshitfuck, that burns. People put ice on razor burn all the time, so I just figured dry ice would…

Billy Joel Reveals ‘Piano Man’ Is About a Revolting, Cronenberg-Esque Piano-Human Hybrid Driven by Primitive, Uncontrollable Impulses

February 27, 2026

CENTRE ISLAND, N.Y. — Popular singer/songwriter Billy Joel revealed that his 1973 hit “Piano Man” is actually about a nightmarish…

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Bored Conservative Figures He’ll Go Back To Being Angry About Critical Race Theory Just for the Hell of It

February 27, 2026

YOUNGSTOWN, Ohio — Local conservative Karl Stokes decided to go back to being angry about Critical Race Theory after realizing…

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Landlord Has Tip Jar

February 26, 2026

NEW YORK — Landlord Ronald Fastings had a tip jar on display in his office at Z&O Real Estate Holdings,…

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McDonald’s Introduces the Filet-O-Silverfish To Avoid Seafood Tariffs

February 26, 2026

CHICAGO — American multinational fast food chain McDonald’s revealed the new Filet-O-Silverfish, a sandwich developed in order to circumvent crippling…

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Trump Offers Ambassadorship Position to Security Guard Who Licks Sarah Connor’s Face in ‘Terminator 2: Judgment Day’

February 24, 2026

LOS ANGELES — President Donald Trump offered the position of Ambassador to Paraguay to Douglas Smith, the security guard seen…

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Five Finger Death Punch Slated To Play University of Phoenix Commencement Ceremony

February 22, 2026

PHOENIX — American metal band Five Finger Death Punch is tapped to perform at this year’s commencement ceremony at the…

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Donald Trump Posts Touching Tribute to Al Sharpton

February 17, 2026

WASHINGTON — U.S. President Donald Trump posted a touching tribute to the memory of American civil rights activist and Baptist…

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Crust Punk Claims Pubic Lice as Dependents

February 17, 2026

PITTSBURGH — Crust punk Hugh McVeely attempted to claim his pubic lice as dependents while filing his taxes, repulsed sources…

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Five World War I Themed Metal Bands To Check Out Since You Forgot To Study for Your History Final

February 16, 2026

World War I, or The Great War, was an unbelievably vast, global conflict that took place a little over a…

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