The Five Most Preventable Diseases I Contracted at the Kid Rock Meet and Greet
First off, shout out to my girl Denise for scoring two VIP tickets to Kid Rock at the Barry Expo…
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Steve Packosky
229 stories found
Black Metal Band Wouldn’t Have Burned Down Church Had They Known It Would Distract From Priest’s Latest Abuse Allegations
MOBILE, Ala. — Members of black metal band Christspearer found themselves regretting setting fire to St. Mark the Evangelist’s Catholic…
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What, So Carving “Slayer” Into Your Forearm Is Normal, but Carving “Toad the Wet Sprocket” Isn’t?
The nineties were a great time as far as iconic rock tunes were concerned. We couldn’t turn on our radios…
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Five Underrated Death Metal Albums You Might as Well Discuss in This Job Interview Since They’re Clearly Not Going To Hire You
Oh shit, this interview is not going well. As soon as this guy used the phrase “income statement”, you knew…
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Study Shows 85% of Americans Would Drink Kerosene if the Word ‘Prebiotic’ Was on the Label
STANFORD, Calif. — A psychological study at Stanford University found that 85% of participants would willingly drink kerosene if the…
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Five CAPTCHA Tests That I Fucking Crushed This Week
You know, I really don’t understand why everyone in my life is telling me that I haven’t amounted to anything.…
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Diarrhea Planet Apologize for Making Good Music After Naming Their Band That
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Garage punk band Diarrhea Planet issued an apology for releasing good music after having chosen such an…
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Five Episodes of “Bill Nye the Science Guy” That Did Nothing To Prevent Me From Putting Dry Ice Directly on My Pubic Razor Burn
Ow! Fuckshitfuck, that burns. People put ice on razor burn all the time, so I just figured dry ice would…
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Billy Joel Reveals ‘Piano Man’ Is About a Revolting, Cronenberg-Esque Piano-Human Hybrid Driven by Primitive, Uncontrollable Impulses
CENTRE ISLAND, N.Y. — Popular singer/songwriter Billy Joel revealed that his 1973 hit “Piano Man” is actually about a nightmarish…
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Bored Conservative Figures He’ll Go Back To Being Angry About Critical Race Theory Just for the Hell of It
YOUNGSTOWN, Ohio — Local conservative Karl Stokes decided to go back to being angry about Critical Race Theory after realizing…
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