In Memoriam: All the Animals That Died in Our Office Last Year January 20, 2017 Everyone at Hard Style was stoked when our boss told us we could bring our pets into the office last… Read More →
D.C. Public Transportation Expecting Unprecedented Number of Time Travelers January 19, 2017 WASHINGTON -- The Department of Transportation issued a statement today warning those traveling within the D.C. area to expect delays… Read More →
Morrissey Begrudgingly Signs for Another Shipment of Emergen-C from Fans January 8, 2017 LOS ANGELES -- Morrissey begrudgingly signed for another shipment of Emergen-C early this morning from fans desperately trying to keep… Read More →
PMA Temporarily Postponed Due to Crushing PMS January 5, 2017 BISBEE, Ariz. -- Courtney Howard’s otherwise unshakeable Positive Mental Attitude has been temporarily postponed due to crushing PMS, Howard quietly… Read More →
Hanukkah Miracle: iPhone Battery Lasts 8 Days December 31, 2016 TUCSON, Ariz. -- Local woman Sarah Abott reportedly had a personal “modern day Hanukkah miracle” this past week when, despite… Read More →
I Posted Morrissey Lyrics on Facebook for a Month and Nobody Called to Check on Me December 22, 2016 Jobless, heartbroken, living on my mom’s couch. I needed a way to discreetly alert my friends that I was being… Read More →
Hostage Negotiations with Sound Guy Begin as Sound Check Moves into 5th Hour December 20, 2016 TORONTO -- The resident sound guy of Queen Street Hall is at the center of a tense hostage situation, according… Read More →
Goth Teen to Ruin Family Christmas Card for the Third Year in a Row December 19, 2016 DETROIT -- Local goth teen Shelly Davis announced plans to ruin her family’s Christmas card for the third year in… Read More →
Scientists Discover New Microscopic Font for Shitty and Unknown Bands on Festival Posters December 12, 2016 SANTA CRUZ, Calif. -- Scientists at the University of California-Santa Cruz revealed this morning that, after extensive research and clinical… Read More →
Facebook Announces Plan to Crack Down on Fake Punks December 5, 2016 CAVE CREEK, Ariz. -- Facebook announced on Thursday a new plan to crack down on the much talked about fake… Read More →