Punk Vows to Smoke Healthier Cigarettes in the New Year
PHILADELPHIA — Local Punk, Sid Stott, announced his plans to improve his health and well-being by smoking healthier cigarettes in…
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Ryan Dondero — Page 4
It was my very first sleepover party, and everything was going great. My parents warned me that staying the night at someone else’s house could be “scary” and “new,” and that if anything went wrong, I should call them immediately.
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Opinion: You’re Not Punk and I’m Telling Everyone
Well, well, well…look who we have here. If it isn’t Mr. “Punk” himself… That’s what you call yourself, right? “Punk”?…
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Neglected Acoustic Guitar Plays Itself to Sleep at Night
PEEKSKILL, N.Y. — A neglected acoustic guitar belonging to local man Phil Everett reportedly plays itself to sleep each night…
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10 Foods That Will Cause Me, a Cartoon Cat, To Float Through the Air Toward the Smell
Meeee-owwww! Isn’t food great? The way it tastes, the way it smells, the way my little kitty cat body involuntarily…
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Historians Discover CBGB Originally Stood for Cock, Balls, Garbage, and Butt
NEW YORK — Recently discovered journals from the founder of the famed punk and hardcore club CBGB revealed that the…
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New Crayola Crayon Color “Hammer Smashed Face Red” to Accompany Release of Cannibal Corpse Coloring Book
EASTON, Pa. — Art supply company, Crayola, is releasing a new crayon color named “Hammer Smashed Face Red” to coincide…
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Mike Pence Forced to Drop Out of Presidential Race After Grazing Door Knob Touched By Woman Who is Not His Wife
LAS VEGAS — Former Vice President Mike Pence dropped out of the 2024 presidential race Saturday after grazing a door…
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25 Great Joyce Manor Songs That I Absolutely Won’t Be Stage Diving To
In 2014, Barry Johnson, lead singer of Joyce Manor, asked fans to stop stage diving at their shows. Johnson was…
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Commander Biden Bites All 221 House Republicans, Seizes Speakership
WASHINGTON — Commander Biden, President Joe Biden’s two-year-old German Shepard, reportedly bit every single Republican in the House of Representatives…
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20-Year-Old Celebrates Last Edge Day
SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Local 20-year-old hardcore kid Cody Macklin remains ignorant to the fact that he is celebrating his last…
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