Historians Discover CBGB Originally Stood for Cock, Balls, Garbage, and Butt
NEW YORK — Recently discovered journals from the founder of the famed punk and hardcore club CBGB revealed that the…
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Ryan Dondero — Page 4
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New Crayola Crayon Color “Hammer Smashed Face Red” to Accompany Release of Cannibal Corpse Coloring Book
EASTON, Pa. — Art supply company, Crayola, is releasing a new crayon color named “Hammer Smashed Face Red” to coincide…
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Mike Pence Forced to Drop Out of Presidential Race After Grazing Door Knob Touched By Woman Who is Not His Wife
LAS VEGAS — Former Vice President Mike Pence dropped out of the 2024 presidential race Saturday after grazing a door…
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25 Great Joyce Manor Songs That I Absolutely Won’t Be Stage Diving To
In 2014, Barry Johnson, lead singer of Joyce Manor, asked fans to stop stage diving at their shows. Johnson was…
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Commander Biden Bites All 221 House Republicans, Seizes Speakership
WASHINGTON — Commander Biden, President Joe Biden’s two-year-old German Shepard, reportedly bit every single Republican in the House of Representatives…
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20-Year-Old Celebrates Last Edge Day
SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Local 20-year-old hardcore kid Cody Macklin remains ignorant to the fact that he is celebrating his last…
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Vet Bill 500 Million Dollars
RICHMOND, Va. — Local woman Carissa Whitley was reportedly billed 500 million dollars during a recent visit to Riverside Veterinary…
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Recently Sober Friend Pounding Non-Alcoholic Beers With Familiar Ferocity
BOSTON — Recently sober man, Brad McBride, is consuming non-alcoholic beers with a ruthlessness comparable to the way he used…
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Help! I’m the Transatlanticism Crow and I’m Still Stuck in This Fucking Ball of Yarn
CAW CAW CAW Hey you! Yeah, you! Can I get some help over here? I’ve been stuck in this fucking…
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