We all face problems in life, from agonizing over your crippling fear of commitment and proposing to your longtime partner to developing a crippling fear…
Is there a more romantic season than fall, aside from spring, summer, and winter? When the leaves start changing colors and evenings get snuggly, it’s…
How to describe David Lynch? Is he a genius filmmaker? An iconoclastic multimedia artist? The dude who fumbled Isabella Rossellini? Well, I have another question:…
David Bowie was a true chameleon of rock music. Over the decades, he was able to seamlessly blend wildly different genres and images into a…
SEATTLE— 42-year-old insurance adjuster Marc Barron was recently whisked away to Pibbapalooza, a magical world in which the 1990s never ended after putting on a…
Look, I’ll say it plain and simple: it doesn’t matter why I already went through your supposed “lifetime supply” of Hormel Chili that I won,…
PHILADELPHIA — Local man Duncan Jackson remains utterly unaware that he is the manager of his friend’s band Black Lab and totally responsible for their…
WASHINGTON — National Public Radio, drunk on its own power over hordes of tea-drinking listeners, announced a new series of mandatory-viewing Giant Desk Concerts, according…
BEDFORD, N.Y. — Matchbox Twenty lead singer and primary songwriter Rob Thomas announced that the United States of America, a divided nation caught in a…
EUGENE, Ore. — Local metalhead and part-time barista Oscar “Grouch” Palmer woke from a horrible nightmare in which his treasured denim vest had somehow grown…
America’s bizarre fascination with cartoon cats has existed for the entirety of our country’s existence, originating with a tortie that Alexander Hamilton doodled in the…
What an incredible dinner party this is! I’ve never been in such a gorgeous yet oddly period non-specific mansion before, and definitely not one in…
Mister Bond, welcome to my inner sanctum. I had hoped that you would manage to elude my men, even the very deadly and ethnically ambiguous…
Fashion trends come and go, but true style is deeply personal and unique. Clothing isn’t just something you wear or use to express your superiority…
Okay, so you’ve called time-out and are wasting everyone’s precious time when they could be watching a thrilling yet family-friendly game of high school basketball.…