CHICAGO — Local public bus driver Charlene Algren is fed up with the third “Speed” situation that forced her bus into a heart-pumping thrill ride…
The holidays are a difficult time for many people, but especially for losers who no one loves or even thinks about. For a lot of…
We all face problems in life, from agonizing over your crippling fear of commitment and proposing to your longtime partner to developing a crippling fear…
Is there a more romantic season than fall, aside from spring, summer, and winter? When the leaves start changing colors and evenings get snuggly, it’s…
How to describe David Lynch? Is he a genius filmmaker? An iconoclastic multimedia artist? The dude who fumbled Isabella Rossellini? Well, I have another question:…
David Bowie was a true chameleon of rock music. Over the decades, he was able to seamlessly blend wildly different genres and images into a…
SEATTLE— 42-year-old insurance adjuster Marc Barron was recently whisked away to Pibbapalooza, a magical world in which the 1990s never ended after putting on a…
Look, I’ll say it plain and simple: it doesn’t matter why I already went through your supposed “lifetime supply” of Hormel Chili that I won,…
PHILADELPHIA — Local man Duncan Jackson remains utterly unaware that he is the manager of his friend’s band Black Lab and totally responsible for their…
WASHINGTON — National Public Radio, drunk on its own power over hordes of tea-drinking listeners, announced a new series of mandatory-viewing Giant Desk Concerts, according…
BEDFORD, N.Y. — Matchbox Twenty lead singer and primary songwriter Rob Thomas announced that the United States of America, a divided nation caught in a…
EUGENE, Ore. — Local metalhead and part-time barista Oscar “Grouch” Palmer woke from a horrible nightmare in which his treasured denim vest had somehow grown…
America’s bizarre fascination with cartoon cats has existed for the entirety of our country’s existence, originating with a tortie that Alexander Hamilton doodled in the…
What an incredible dinner party this is! I’ve never been in such a gorgeous yet oddly period non-specific mansion before, and definitely not one in…
Mister Bond, welcome to my inner sanctum. I had hoped that you would manage to elude my men, even the very deadly and ethnically ambiguous…