The year was 1992. I had just clocked out at Spencer’s Gifts and walked across the mall to catch the…
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NEW YORK — Centrist supervillain Devin “The Devil’s Advocater” Jameston gave an impassioned monologue today revealing his plan for global…
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Chucky is the gold standard for serial killer toys, slaughtering dozens of victims in creative fashion across decades of films.…
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SEATTLE — Local man Tom Perry was absolutely disgusted after he learned he spent roughly 30 seconds rocking out to…
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HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif. — Local concert promoter Will Braun made the decision to release wolves on stage at local ska…
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WASHINGTON — Local punk exorcist Benicio “Scary” Scaramucci admitted he didn’t see any problems with the sinister child threatening nuns…
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SALEM, Ore. — Local punk Trent Jackson planned to attend the state fair “ironically” this weekend, making it the seventh…
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INDIANAPOLIS — 38-year-old nu metal fan Bryce Spiller went to extreme lengths to maintain his soul patch after deciding to…
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Here at the Hard Times, we’re no strangers to waking up from a drug-induced slumber in a dingy bathroom next…
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NEW YORK — The annual “Punk Humanitarian of the Year” award was given to local drunk Rick Johnson who selflessly…
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