Adam Sandler Rips Up New Script After Trump Supporter Tases Himself in Balls and Dies
LOS ANGELES — Actor and filmmaker Adam Sandler was forced to dispose of the screenplay for his new film “Hank…
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Malcolm Whitfield
22 stories found
Defunded Police Department Forced to Cut Coke with Flour Before Planting on Suspects
RALEIGH, N.C — The recently defunded Raleigh Police Department has left officers with no choice but to cut their diminished…
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Racoons Near Group of Camping Punks Make Sure to Cover Food
TUPPER LAKE, N.Y.— A family of raccoons near a campsite in the Adirondack Mountains were forced last night to protect…
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Black Woman’s Phone Storage Now 86% Messages from White Friends
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local marketing associate and Black person Imani Phillips found yesterday that her iPhone X’s storage is almost…
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Police Dog Doesn’t See Color
HOUSTON — A dog serving with the Houston Police Department issued a statement today responding to allegations of racism in…
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Music Snob EMT Can’t Decide Which Song to Set Chest Compressions To
ATLANTA — Emergency Medical Technician Avery Jamison searched through his Spotify playlist for several minutes yesterday before administering chest compressions…
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Deceased Sober Punk with No Tattoos Unable to be Buried in Straight Edge Cemetery
NORFOLK, Va. — The Virginia straight edge scene is split today after a controversial ruling left recently deceased member Daniel…
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Top 5 Feminist Icons That Also Happen to Be Cartoon Goth Girls That Make Me Horny
Now more than ever we need representation in media, especially in the female cartoon goth department. Women in cartoons are…
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Self-Described Democratic Socialist Hopes No One Asks Follow Up Question Regarding What That Means
ST. LOUIS — Time stood still today for local man Hayden Reed, who publicly identified as a “Democratic Socialist” and…
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Unclear if Wait Staff Being so Mean Is Part of Diner’s Theme
SOMERVILLE, Mass. — Patrons of the Davis Square landmark Sue’s Diner are still uncertain whether the staff are paid to…
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