Tinder Guy’s 6 Feet of Social Distancing More Like 5 Feet 6 Inches
DORAVILLE, Ga. — Local Tinder user Brad Irwin claimed in his dating app bio to keep a minimum six feet…
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Louie Aronowitz
125 stories found
Opinion: Hey There Delilah, I Don’t Think I’m Gonna Come Visit You in New York City Actually
Hey there Delilah, what’s it like in New York City? I’m a thousand miles away, and honestly, I think it’s…
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Punk Already Sold out of Medium Homemade Face Masks
OMAHA, Neb. — Local punk and part-time crafts enthusiast Mark Penderson, seeing a need for DIY face masks to help…
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Diabolical Mailing List Admin Twirling Mustache and Cackling at Dead “Unsubscribe” Link
SAN FRANCISCO — Email marketing specialist Seth Samael, widely considered one of the most diabolical internet admins, was seen twirling…
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I Traveled the World for Only $40 and All I Got Was This Fatal Disease
I’ve always wanted to travel but it’s so expensive. Airfare, lodging, food; it all adds up very quickly. Anytime I…
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They Closed the Canadian Border? Now You Guys May Never Meet My Girlfriend!
Between the pandemic, the quarantine, and now shutting down the border, you guys may never meet my girlfriend. It stinks…
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Dang, I Was Totally Gonna Go to Your Show This Time Too
Did they cancel your band’s show this weekend because of the quarantine? Ah, stinker! And this was the one I…
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Opinion: I Was Gonna Quit the Band Anyway
I got fired. Yeah, I admit it. I was fired BUT, I’m totally fine with it, 'cause that band sucked…
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Shy Guy Hoping to Get Quarantined at Starbucks During Cute Barista’s Shift
DUTCHESS, N.Y. — Endlessly bashful man Dan Jennick admitted today that he’s made extra trips to his local Starbucks during…
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Roommate Finally Buys Toilet Paper
BROOKLYN — Local roommate Will Sanders surprised his housemates yesterday when he finally bought toilet paper for the first time…
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